Thursday, March 3, 2011

Books that help parents understand and work with their children's feelings too!

These books written by Nadir Baksh Psy.D. and Laurie Murphy, Ph.D., are manuals for parents who are divorcing. Written by a licensed clinical forensic psychologist and a Ph.D. nurse/counselor its purpose is to help parents save their children unnecessary anguish throughout the divorce process.

Topics covered include: what to expect when you are divorcing; the stress and fear that children take on; the need for extra vigilance and care toward children; softening or preventing the custody “battle”; the hidden needs of children; and dealing with an uncooperative spouse.

The advice and direction contained in these books are eminently practical-detailing what adults can expect from a custody battle; what they will encounter in themselves and in their children (emotionally, physically, mentally) during divorce; helping parents to make sense out of their children’s questions; offering guidance in making decisions for themselves and their kids; and explaining the ultimate importance of putting the child’s needs first.

What makes these books different and invaluable is that the authors refuse to take a sugar-coated or willy-nilly approach. They have witnessed, firsthand, too much pain an suffering in families during divorce to hold back their strong, direct words and warnings. “We are not afraid to take a stand,” they declare up front. “In fact, we believe it is our duty to underscore the needs of your children so they don’t get lost or disappear underneath legal paperwork.” While they fully understand that adults do not set out to cause damage to their children, they also know that any divorce, if not handled properly, will absolutely cause serious problems to children. Such “proper handling” must include a strategically-planned blueprint that maps out a child’s need for emotional health and well-being. In The Best Interest Of The Child guides the divorcing adults in the drafting of such a blueprint. Without it, they plead, “your children’s lives will quickly stagnate or suffocate in the mire and muck created by spousal mud-slinging and attorney-posturing.”

The tone of the books, while uncompromising, also generates strong credibility for the author’s words, and easily inspires confidence in their readers. Years of experience as therapists and family counselors allow the authors to present their material with authority, sanity and genuine wisdom.

Includes numerous case studies that highlight aspects of the divorce process and the needs of children. A bibliography and list of referral services is also included. For more about these books and ordering click here or go to

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Children of divorce

For anyone who truly cares about children in divorce cases please see a wonderful interactive site.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


Who we are:
Attorney Barry W. Vermeeren is a highly trained Divorce Mediator with over 500 successful divorce and child custody mediations completed in Northern Ohio.

How It Works:
Attorney Vermeeren works as a truly impartial Mediator working for both divorcing spouses. No sides are taken, no pressure is exerted. Your particular finances, needs and circumstances are woven into Ohio laws and court rules. Typically, only 2 meetings are required, each is 2 or 3 hours long. The first meeting defines your assets and finances and the dynamic needs of the parties and the children. In both sessions, agreements will occur on each asset and each debt and each member of the family’s needs, wishes, and desires. Not one decision or agreement will be reached without your agreement.
The second session will occur after each party considers the issues agreed to in the first session and his or her own thoughts on how to resolve the open issues.
Finally, Attorney Vermeeren will prepare your petition for dissolution, your separation agreement, and your final decree of dissolution with numerous other required court documents. Usually Mr. Vermeeren or your own attorney(s) will attend the first and only court hearing. This will be held within 90 days of filing the petition and other required documents. The hearing is very low-key and friendly and the court, being satisfied that you are comfortable with your decisions and the documents meet all requirements, the dissolution of marriage is filed. That’s it. It can’t be any more simple or easier.

Why it works:
Mediation works because it is your agreement. You will learn that over 90% of even contested, bitter divorces end with an agreement without any final contested hearing. Ohio considers all marriages to be equal partnerships and no attorney, no matter how aggressive, can change that. His motorcycle and its debt are equally hers. And her pension plan and Victoria’s Secret credit card debt are equally his. Ohio state statutes mandate this and no attorney, even a judge, can go against the statutes. Child support is, again, a state law formula which no judge or attorney can change.
Early in the mediation process you will understand that you, any attorney, or any judge cannot change the essential financial outcome of your divorce. You will learn that your 3 choices are to agree now, agree a year or two later, or, in the very rare case, have a judge order exactly what you could have agreed upon now. Mediation works because, of the 3 choices: 2 of them are horribly painful and hurtful for everyone, 1 of the choices is very fast and so much less painful.
Not to mention the costs. The typical mediation costs less than $900.00 each total. The typical divorce attorney requires $1,500.00 to $3,000.00 each just to start.

What you need:
To start, a simple phone call to 419-626-0055 to Attorney Barry W. Vermeeren for an exchange of information to set the first meeting. We will call each of you separately to set the appointment if you wish.
At the end of your first session you will receive a blueprint of all of the resolved issues and others to be addressed at the second session. Many times all of the issues are resolved in the first session.
The second session a week after the first will be used to fine tune and reconfirm all agreed items and address the resolution of yet unresolved issues. If the agreement was completed in the first session, the required paperwork will be signed, ready for filing at the second session. If not, the paperwork will be completed immediately after the second session.
Once the documents are prepared and unsigned, you will be encouraged to seek a review by your attorney to obtain your own legal advice. However, if you are comfortable with all agreements and do not need such advice, everything will be signed and delivered to the court in order that the final hearing date may be set.

How much will it cost:
There is no retainer; $275.00 is paid at the first session; $300.00 at the second session, and $300.00 at the time of signing your completed documents.
The mediation and your mediator will lead you towards resolution of each part of an agreement, one step at a time. The mediator, while not giving either side specific legal advice, will provide a clear understanding of the law of Ohio on a 50/50 division of marital property, the state statute setting child support, your county’s requirements for everything from parenting time to restoration of a previous name.